Saturday, February 22, 2014

Barlowe Bayer Confesses

Barlowe Bayer is about to drop a bombshell confession, so grab a hold of your socks for a revelation that will rock the blogging world... which is that Barlowe Bayer is not a Conservative. Every single post that Mr. Bayer wrote prior to this one in a "Conservative voice" was complete BS. Now, before Barlowe gets to the reason for this deception, he would like to issue an apology to Mr. BB-Idaho. Mr. Idaho, you were not meant to be pulled into this, and it was never Barlowe's intention to make a fool of you. For that Barlowe is sorry.

Those who Barlowe did intend to make fools of with his prank included dmarks and Will Hart. You see, Barlowe Bayer is actually a Progressive Democrat and not a Conservative at all. And Barlowe, contrary to what prior posts most certainly suggested, is not a homophobe. Barlowe was simply pretending for the purposes of his prank.

Also - and Barlowe considers this very important - nobody else besides dmarks and Will Hart were ever intended to be fooled, which is why Barlowe never commented on any other blog except for those of Will Hart and dmarks... with one exception. dmarks recently closed his blog to the public and sent out emails to people "inviting" them to participate in his now private blog. It seems that dmarks has now dedicated his blog to lying about and bashing another blogger who Barlowe has great respect and admiration for.

This fine upstanding blogger asked Barlowe if Barlowe could act as his spy by obtaining an invitation to the blog of dmarks. "I am interested in what the delusional Dennis is saying" my friend told me. So I said "I'll do it", and I posted a comment on my own blog in response to a comment left by dmarks. I said "tried to visit your blog, dmarks, but see it is open to 'invited readers' only?". dmarks replied, "You should have received the invitation by now", but dmarks lied.

Turns out the delusional dmarks thinks my friend "raised suspicion Saturday by sending me [dmarks] a message begging for blog access as himself and then as 'Barlowe' a few minutes later". But my friend assures me that dmarks is full of poop. My friend says he DID send dmarks an email requesting an invitation as a joke (which dmarks spins as "begging"). But that email was sent the day before Barlowe commented on his blog (and, as you can see, Barlowe never asked for an invite). And my friend NEVER sent dmarks an email as himself and then "as Barlowe" a few minutes later. That simply did not happen.

I can assure you this is a FACT, because I know my friend does not lie. Also, it was dmarks who contacted Barlowe via email (after he commented on his own blog) and it was dmarks who offered to send an invitation to Barlowe. In dmarks' email to Barlowe, dmarks said Barlowe should send him an email so dmarks would know who to send the invitation to. The idiot dmarks said he would have invited Barlowe, but Google Plus is a "black hole" and he couldn't find the address... even though it is clearly displayed in the "about" section of Barlowe's Google Plus profile, under "Contact information".

Idiot or not (and I think the evidence overwhelmingly suggests dmarks IS an idiot), he nor Will Hart ever would have caught on to the fact that Barlowe was pranking them. The truth was revealed only by accident. Seems that Barlowe was standing by for the invite by dmarks to his blog. While refreshing his Google inbox from time to time, he headed over to the Rational Nation blog.

And that, unfortunately, is where it all went wrong. Barlowe went off and did some other things in the real world, returned to his computer, and totally forgot that he was signed in with the "Barlowe" account. Reading a lie-filled comment by dmarks, Barlowe (who didn't realize he was Barlowe) wrote a reply and - even though the name "Barlowe Bayer" was displayed in the drop down box where the account one wishes to use to submit the comment is located - hit the submit button.

Now, to be clear, Barlowe had never intended to post any comments on the blog of Rational Nation. Les Carpenter of Rational Nation was never a part of Barlowe's prank. The SOLE targets of Barlowe's prank were dmarks and Will Hart. That "Barlowe" commented on the Rational Nation blog was purely by accident.

A stupid accident that was caused by Barlowe's inattentiveness, but an accident none-the-less. Not that it matters, I suppose, as Barlowe had actually retired from blogging. The purpose of the prank having been fulfilled... which was to see if dmarks and Will Hart would embrace Barlowe as one of their own - which THEY DID (while they rejected my friend, whom was banned by both of them from their respective blogs). Satisfied that Barlowe had proven his point, he decided to retire the ID. I mean, Barlowe never intended to comment using the "Barlowe" account on any other blog, as Barlowe had no desire to misrepresent myself to anyone other than the two bloggers already mentioned.

Retired, that is, until Barlowe decided that the "Barlowe" account might be of use in getting dmarks to send an email inviting Barlowe to view his blog where he was posting lies about my friend. But the delusional fool dmarks "suspected" I was someone else other than who I was pretending to be... which occurred, according to his comment on the Rational Nation blog, BEFORE Barlowe accidently commented when he thought he was signed in with another account.

So dmarks imagined Barlowe contacting him minutes after my friend did. I say "imagined" because it never happened. Given that dmarks' imaginings made him suspicious before Barlowe accidently commented on the RN blog and revealed himself to be, in Les Carpenter's words, "a crank", obviously Barlowe was never going to get that invite. Perhaps if my friend hadn't sent dmarks the joke email the DAY BEFORE asking for one, then dmarks wouldn't have imagined Barlowe contacted him "a few minutes later"?

Who knows? In any case, it has occurred to Barlowe that now would be a good time to point out to dmarks and Will Hart that his prank was a success. Both were completely fooled, with dmarks (or "Dennis", as my friend has taken to calling him) even adding a link to Barlowe's blog to the sidebar of his (dmarks') blog. So, even though the scheme to get an invite was ruined by a stupid accident, that accident would only have barred him from further viewing dmarks' blog. Because if the delusional idiot hadn't imagined an email "minutes later" that was never sent, Barlowe would have gotten that invite (even if dmarks later retracted it).

Excuse me, I lost my train of thought there and went off in another direction... what I meant to say was that, even though the scheme to get an invite was ruined, the prank was still a rousing success. And now I can (now that the deception has been revealed) do a victory dance in regards to said success. And I can reveal the contents of an email that dmarks sent to Barlowe back when he thought Barlowe was "on his side". But I shall leave that revelation for another post.

In other words, there shall be at least one more post here on "the Larboard Brain" before Barlowe retires for good. I mean, of what use is Barlowe post-outing? He can't post on any blogs now. Not dmarks' blog because dmarks isn't going to invite him, and not Will Hart's blog, now that dmarks outed him there, and not on any other blog either, because, as I said earlier, the sole purpose of the "Barlowe" account was to fool dmarks and Will Hart.

Barlowe has never, and will never attempt to fool anyone else. Barlowe loves a good prank, but Barlowe is not the type of dishonest fellow who delights in fooling people for no reason, hence his apology to BB-Idaho. Who - oddly in Barlowe's estimation - was the only non-conservative who followed links Barlowe dropped on the "Contra O'Reilly" blog and actually commented on Barlowe's blog (although there was a few comments by Ema, I believe, but she didn't stick around).

If any other Democrats had commented on Barlowe's blog he may have had to pull the plug, as fooling those he agrees with ideologically was something he most definitely did not desire. But, and to drive home this point before ending this post... that didn't happen. Barlowe's prank was a success and THAT is what should be remembered; that dmarks and Will Hart were successfully pranked and Barlowe can go to his retirement knowing he accomplished his goal of pulling one over on dmarks and Will Hart. So there.

TLB #51


  1. Absolutely witty and absolutely hilarious!

  2. And absolutely a waste of one's precious time on earth.

  3. Will "take no prisoners" Hart [March 4, 2014 at 11:20 PM] And absolutely a waste of one's precious time on earth.

    A extremely weak response from a hypocrite exposed. Also, a criticism that will be ignored. Will can't decide for me (or Barlowe) how we spend our time or whether or not an endeavor is a waste of it. I think it is likely Will is fuming and that pathetic reply (to insult me) is the best response he could come up with.